i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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