oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
