At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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