If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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