We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize