Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
