Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
