I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
