I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
