Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
