You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
