I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
