I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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