I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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