she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My dad just said "fuck circus"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
