lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
