my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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