my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
