i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
