who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
