How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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