Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
