apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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