i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
