and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize