oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
