Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
