My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
