my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
