I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
