my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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