He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
