Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
