At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize