hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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