I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
