she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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