He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
it's great music for shaving your balls
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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