You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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