You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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