Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Reggie can tackle my bush.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
