You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
