You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
