i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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