There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
