upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
