I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
