I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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