My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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