Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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