Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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