the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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