matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
