He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
