Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
