That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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