I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
