I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
