I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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