Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
