Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
