Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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