Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I could make wine with my vomit
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
