Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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