We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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