How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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