My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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