just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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