I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize